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It’s like dealing with children sometimes

I had to separate sempai from Hiromu yet again. Honestly, I know sempai’s claiming to be merely twenty-seven, but that still makes him older than Hiromu. I’m not expecting him to be as strict as Kuroki, but some poise would be a welcome change.

Well, as long as I’m here, I may as well check the blog— Youko-chan, what’re you doing there, reading about…

Nooooooooo, Youko-chan, I promise, I’m, not like that, I’m a good and pure nii-san, I swear!

—Ryuuji

How is J's book coming along?
Anonymous

Hello, this is Ryuuji. Apologies for ‘hijacking’ a question specifically meant for J, but I felt that you might want to see this letter I found on my bed today. It should be noted that there are… some risque passages in this letter, so please don’t read it if that offends you.

Dear Ryuuji,

It is I, Beet J Stag. Today I saw an amazing sight. A woman was being photographed, by more than one camera! I was so stunned by something so wonderful, I had to watch. Tell Jin I want to be photographed by more than one camera soon.

After the woman was done, I spoke to her. She said her name is Ozu Houka. I told her that my name is Beet J Stag, and that I was looking for a ‘library’ so I could learn about ‘the sex’ for my novel. She said, “Pfft, I’ll tell you now!” We spoke for another five hours.

I have decided. While you’re still definitely seducing material, and I would love to show you my superior love making abilities, there are fluids involved in the sex I do not want on my body. Therefore, I will no longer try to seduce you. Instead, I will wait for when Jin seduces you, and watch. Then I will finish my novel.

Yours in superiority,

J, aka Beet J Stag

PS, tell Jin to seduce you.

Well, at least I don’t need to worry about J jumping on me anymore?

That said… he’s going to be waiting for a very, very long time. The idea of J watching us is what some would call ‘a mood killer’ to the extreme.

—Ryuuji

Farewell, Rei

We buried Rei in an old eraser box, underneath J’s favorite tree in the forest. His speech was very touching: he said that he hoped that she could taste the sap’s sweetness wherever she was now, and how he would always remember how she shyly scuttled behind my texts whenever anyone who wasn’t him came in the room. It made him feel like she trusted him.

If there was one good thing in all of this, it was that sempai was well behaved during it all. I was almost worried that he’d pull some mean joke, but… he was polite and silent. He even patted J on the shoulder after it was done. I think I should remember that even with sempai being sempai, he does have a kind side.

I guess he’s finally over J trying to seduce or whatever. At least I hope so!

… That’s enough sadness for now, I think. I’ve mentioned to sempai that J could use a new friend, but we’re still not sure as to what. I see a lot of researching in our future.

—Ryuuji

Masato, I am sure J doesn't want to probe your boyfriend. Calm down it's just a tiny little crush. It will wear off once he gets bored again.
Anonymous

… You tell that to ‘the best lover.’ :/ ‘scuse me, Anon-chan. I’m off to my favorite rooftop to listen to ‘My Heart Will Go On’ and drown my sorrows in Pokemon.

—Masato

Hey Hiromu why don't you and Morishita.... You know.... Hook up?
Anonymous

… But what would we do with hooks?

—Hiromu

But Ryuuji, J must truly love you, or he could not wake you with true love's kiss! That's how it works!
Anonymous

Oh, Anon, you’ve been reading too many fairy tales. :) Just because J kissed me, and is watching me while I type doesn’t mean he— J, what are you doing, give me my laptop back—

(I am in love with Ryuuji. I am his best lover. I am a better lover than Jin. —J)

It’s like a cat deciding he wants to spend time with Person A more than Person B, until he changes his mind. It’s quite harmless, I ensure you.

—Ryuuji

Masato, this means that J is really in love with Ryuuji, or Ryuuji would not awake from J's kiss! You must act to stop J seducing your beloved away from you!
Anonymous

IM GONNA @#!&ING KILL THAT EGOTIST SEDUCER RAWWWRGH.

—Masato

… Yes, it’s been like that since J woke me up. :/ I tried explaining to sempai that J most likely misunderstood, and that I still love my sempai, but he’s been quite angry lately. And J being all ‘I have seduced Ryuuji’ doesn’t help.

Did you know that he asked me to dismantle J again?! I reminded him that he needs J to interact with this dimension, but I don’t think he cares…

—Ryuuji

Hiromu, why not learn to fly so you can fight the chickens on their own terms?
Anonymous

I would, but… their beaks.

Their sharp, creepy, terrifying beaks…

—Hiromu

Hiromu why are you scared of those creatures? p.s. I don't like them either ;)
Anonymous

Because of their eyes.

Their soulless, beady little eyes.

Their soulless, beady little eyes, fixed on you as they trot up to you on their weird dinosaur legs, squawking as they suddenly learn how to fly and get to your window, and then—- they— they—

I’m sorry, I don’t want to talk about them anymore. I’m glad you have enough sense to not like them, too.

—Hiromu

Has Ryuuji recovered yet? Maybe you can wake him with true love's kiss!
Anonymous

Hmm, gud idea, Anon-chan! Lemme just lean down and pucker up—

(I, Beet J Stag, will wake him with true love’s kiss. —J)

…EXCUSE ME. J, WTF RU DOING—

(Mm… sempai? What’s going on? —Ryuuji)

…………….

(I have kissed Ryuuji. I rescued him. From now on, call me Beet J Stag Lovedoctor. —J)

…………………………….

PHOTOBOMBER HOMEWRECKER!!!111!!!!!!11!!!!!

—Masato